With a huge _thank you_ to and for the inspiration…
Dear Awesome Women Of Google+ (and the world)
DO YOU KNOW HOW FUCKING FRUSTRATING THIS SHIT IS?
Guys like this TOTALLY exist. I promise you this.
I may or may not be one right now, this very minute. (I’m not 100% sure yet)
However, I *DEFINITELY* have been one in the past.
This is what it’s like…
We’re the guy who thinks highly of you as a person first, Your amazing tits are on the list for sure (I mean…still a GUY, right?), but as much as we appreciate them, the fact of the matter is that they’re SO much further down the list than the way you light up the whole fucking room when you smile. Seriously.
We think you’re funny, and brilliant, and interesting. We WANT to spend time with you. We choose you over Sports (those of us that care about such things). We choose you over The Old Republic (unless you’re there playing right alongside us). You are important to us. Give us almost any option on how we’d like to spend our time… We. Choose. You.
Honestly? We want to rock your world in bed – Maybe that’s pulling your hair, tying you up and spanking your ass, maybe that’s giving your “pink parts” the level of attention you’d give them yourself if you could clone. Hell, maybe that’s something so simple as kissing you down your spine, or biting your big toe, or just being willing to not take everything so seriously all the time and having a good gigglefit, mid-fuck.
But…after the handcuffs (or whatever) are put away and we catch our collective breath, we want to lay in bed next to you while we take turns reading Song of Ice and Fire or The Fellowship of the Ring, or Surely, You’re Joking, Mr. Feynman aloud. We want to cuddle while we watch Doctor Who…or Doctor Horrible.
We want to put our arm around you and fall asleep to the smell of your hair. We want YOU to be the last thing we see at night, and the first thing we see in the morning.
We’re that guy in your life who is your biggest cheerleader, and who holds the outer door to the restaurant or store for you because we are chivalrous and would absolutely defend you with our very lives if the need arose. But we also let you get the inner door for us, because you are fucking strong and talented and capable in your own right, and this is (or would be, anyway) a relationship of equals. We get the car door for you…but not all the time. That would be as insulting as never getting it for you.
We don’t worship the ground you walk on. That’s insipid.
Neither do walk on you like a doormat. That’s being a dick.
We treat you as the amazing and wonderful human being you are. You live a large life. We love that you’re a gamer, and not a TV junkie. Maybe you ride a longboard. Maybe you play ukulele. Maybe you’re a successful CEO of your own company. Maybe you’re an internet superstar. Maybe you’re a single stay at home Mom. MAYBE you’re ALL OF THOSE. But whoever you are, you absolutely grab your life by the horns, and you make the very most of your life. And we fucking LOVE that. You are passionate, and we are not threatened by that – we soak it all in and push you to be your best the way you inspire us to be our best – even though deep down you really don’t think you’re “all that”. WE think you are.
For our part, we live our own large life, too. We ride motorcycles (ahem: NOT Harleys, REAL motorcycles), we race cars, we buy a $60 plane ticket to Albuquerque for the weekend, just to go see what’s there, cuz hey, SIXTY BUCKS! We go to ComicCon, BlizzCon, and PAX.
Ultimately, we are the Wil Wheatons of the world, looking for our Anne. When we were younger, we were awkward and shy and socially uncomfortable and hey, did I mention awkward? But like Wil Wheaton, we no resemble longer a real life Wesley Crusher, and we’ve really grown into ourselves, and holy shit are we awesome now… We’re fucking fabulously nerdy, and exactly what you tell everyone you’re really hoping to find some day. We’re going to play old school boardgames with you, we’re going to kick your ass at Mario Kart. Maybe not the first time, but eventually. And we _will_ keep trying.
You may not realize this, but we are legion.
And maybe that’s the problem.
We are also Adam Savage.
And Owen Wilson.
We are Neil Patrick Harris (…in the same Opposite Star Trek Universe where Spock has a Goatee, Barney is a nice guy, and NPH…well, you know.)
You fucking LOVE those guys.
And you? What are you, maybe pushing 30? 35?
Yep, exactly like Wil Wheaton and Grant Imihara (and Tony Hawk, and David Boreanaz, for that matter), we are now 8, 10, sometimes 15 years older than you.
However…that’s also totally why we know who we are, We’ve had time to grow into the guy you’re looking for.
We know what we like and don’t like – and that translates almost point for point into why we like you so goddamn much. Yes, we have history, and some baggage, but we do our very, very best to bring zero bullshit to the table. We’ve got great jobs, and we even think your kids are awesome. Shit, we’d love to be a dad (perhaps “again” for some of us), now that we’ve got our heads out of our asses.
We absolutely know that you’re not perfect. But we still look at you like you’re the most perfect woman we’ve ever seen…because you are…for us. Because you’re our tribe.
Women our age? Pft.
Statistically speaking…TOTALLY NOT NERDY. LIKE…AT ALL.
Maybe we live in another state.
Maybe we live across town.
But we’re here, I promise you this.
You just have to see us.
…and say “What the hell, why not.”