Someone on the INTP open list suggested taht I was an Enneagram Type 9. I looked
at what there was of it, and lo and behold! I am thus.
E9
Healthy loop controlled by Basic Desire:
Need to find union -> accept others -> do the right thing -> Need to find
union
In the healthy state, the need to find union induces Type Nines to genuinely
open up to others and accept them as they are. Others often find their acceptance
welcoming and build up a strong bond or union. This way, Nines’ need are satisfied
and a balance is reached.
In the average state, when Nines’ are less accepting of others or the world,
which means the union begins to weaken. This causes the the need to find union
to increase, which helps Nines to again become more accepting of others. Thus
the balancing loop can help Nines to recover.
Unhealthy loop controlled by Basic Fear:
Fear of separation -> illusions of union -> accommodating -> union -> Fear
of separation
In the unhealthy state, the basic fear of separation can cause Type Nines to
delude themselves with illusions of union, which they sustain by ignoring reality
and blindly accommodating others or the world. Unfortunately, this means they
won’t achieve true union, which further increases Nines’ basic fear. The cycle
continues to build up.
I haven’t talked before about how accepting I am of other people. Don’t
feel the need. It just is who I is.
I have, however talked about the stupid decisions I’ve made in the past
when I’m not in a one-to-one relationship with one other human being. Unhealthy
loop Fear of Separation TOTALLY fits that scenario. Deluding myself with illusions
of union (with someone totally inappropriate/unhealthy for me) is another big
fit to that scenario.
The Peacemaker (the Nine)
Peacemakers are receptive, good-natured, and supportive. They seek union with
others and the world around them.
How to Get Along with Me
(reorganized to show what’s most important to me personally)
me to do something, *how* you ask is as important as *what* you ask. I especially
don’t like demands, expectations, or pressure.
It opens me up to my feelings.
a confrontation. I’ll walk away cold if I feel pressed. If I do *LET ME GO*. I’ll
only get agitated and escalate the confrontation like a cornered animal if you
don’t. Have faith, I’ll clear my head and be back real soon, now, y’hear?
me questions to help me get clear. Understanding is important to me, and sometimes
I need to turn it over and over in my head to make sure I “get it”
to finish things and make decisions. It’s OK to nudge me gently and nonjudgmentally.
self-made pressure.
of this. When my eyes glaze over, or I stop communicating, have the sense to let
it go for another time…I will ponder what we’ve talked about in the meantime.
I promise.
speaking, even though I meander a bit.
though I don’t care how I look all that often, I’m not averse to flattery.
What I Like About Being a Nine
- being able to relax and have a (stress free!) good time
- being able to go with the flow and feel one with the universe
- my ability to see many different sides of an issue and to be a good mediator
and facilitator - caring for and being concerned about others
- knowing that most people enjoy my company; I’m easy to be around
- my heightened awareness of sensations, aesthetics, and the here and now
- being nonjudgmental and accepting
What’s Hard About Being a Nine
- caring too much about what others will think of me
- being confused about what I really want
- being critical of myself for lacking initiative and discipline and lacking
follow-through on committments I don’t feel “engaged” by. - being judged and misunderstood for being placid and/or indecisive
- being too sensitive to criticism; taking every raised eyebrow and twitch
of the mouth personally - not being listened to or taken seriously
- having a way of paying attention that reflects and ‘groks’ other people’s
positions, which can lead to difficulty in maintaining (or identifying in
the first place!) a personal position, but also the development of a marked
ability to sense others’ inner experience.
…the more I read, the more I go…”Holy FUCK, dude!”
Point Nine: The Mediator
Nine in Love – Living with Nines:
Once a Nine merges with you it is hard to separate. Relationships can continue
for years beyond the natural stopping point. Nines find it hard to give up memories
of old relationships so that new ones can develop. I’ve been the “dump-er” twice
in my whole life…Else I’ve been the “dump-ee”
You’ll find that Nines divert attention from feelings by becoming preoccupied
with unessentials. (I diverted a conversation with Meg tonight with a deftly
placed “So, what do you want to do for dinner”…*sheepish grin*) They search
for alternatives to forestall arguments. they are often laconic and uncommunicative
about what they really feel: “Let the unspoken remain unsaid.” This is only
true when there’s unspoken or ongoing conflict, or conflict within myself that
I have not yet identified with. If I’m doing really OK, then I’m the most communicative
bastard you’ve ever met. =)
Nines retreat into habitual patterns and trivial concerns (“lots of little
things to do”) rather than really engaging in the relationship. Energy spreads
to the mechanics of living together: the house repairs, the mortgage rate. As
a Nine’s partner, you will find yourself being the active agent for change.
I don’t understand what this part is trying to say at all… FWIW, Habitual
Patterns are necessary for my life as a procrastinatory, scatterbrained INTP
– I get worried if I leave the house more than 4minutes on either side of my
“scheduled” time to go catch the bus. I set bills to auto-pay from the bank.
I do get stuck in a rut sometimes…but the rut is always changing… )
The Nine will say back what you want to hear. This does not imply that the
Nine agrees with you. It’s hard for Nines to say no because your needs sound
louder than their own. This is one of the biggest things I’ve ever heard about
“How Jon Sucks”. I do it to avoid conflict, but I also do it *FAR FAR* less
than I did 10 years ago.
Nines fantasize about merging with ideal partners and being swept into a new
life. The flip side of merging with the lives of others is that the Nine blames
you when things go wrong.
Holy fuck, batman… Yes, I do compromise a lot and find LOTS of middle
ground in my relationships. I put old hobbies away and pick up new ones, friendships
are set aside until the relationship dies on the vine and goes away, because
I made a bad choice in the first place. And, I totally went through the blame
cycle recently. “It’s her fault that I don’t participate in Adria anymore,
and that I don’t talk to all my old friends…I gave all that up for the ‘good
of the relationship'” Bullshit. I gave up some of it because I’m a lazy SOB
who doesn’t like conflict. I quit participating in Adria because there was one
individual in Denver who was nothing BUT conflict – she’s gone, and now it’s
just laziness and disinterest on my part. Friendships? Most of my friends are
women (I grew up with 3 of them), and Meg gets a little insecure. It’s my fault
for not standing my ground with what’s important to me, however. I accept total
responsibility for that.
Relationships deepen when the Nine can merge with you without any loss of personal
identity.
HaYuckYuck…Gawrsh, Mickey, Ya think that’s why the INTP-INTP relationship
appeals to me SO much that it seems a day can’t go by without me mentioning
it SOMEHOW? c.f. the “merging with ideal partners” bit above… INTP-INTP entails
(in my fantasy, anyway) minimal loss of personal identity…for either of us.
Childhood Origin: Connected to parental-figures.
Basic Fear: Of separation.
Basic Desire: To have union with other.
Healthy Sense of Self: I am peaceful.
Characteristic Temptation: To be too accomodating.
Characteristic Vice: Sloth in self-remembering.
Characteristic Virtue: Patience.
Hidden Complaint: I am content with the way things are, although
everyone else is always pressuring me to change.
Key Defense Mechanisms: Repression, dissociation, denial. Peacemakers
are accomodating and are often out of touch with their anger.
Self-Preservation Nines: “Appetite”
I am very attached to my rituals of watching TV, reading, working on my computer,
sleeping extra long, going to movies, and so on, and I feel anxious when anything
interferes with them.
I tend to neglect important tasks and responsibilities and focus on my habits
instead.
Procrastination and Ostrich head in the sand-ing Food is prime in my life.
Sometimes I use it to numb out, distract myself, and cover up my feelings. not
really so much
I like to collect objects and information.
Sometimes I have trouble throwing things away because I can’t decide which
really matter to me.
I try to meet my own needs by keeping my home, car, office, or purse supplied
with whatever I might want. “Toy” junkie
Relational Nines: “Union”
I like the feeling of being in union with a lover, family member, friend,
mentor, famous person, guru, pet, nature, or the divine.
When not in a relationship, I usually feel melancholy and yearn to be.
I try to make my partner happy, both to avoid conflict and because his or her
happiness will rub off on me.
I am usually so focused on my companion that I fail to notice what is going
on with me.
When my partner places demands that I feel are unreasonable on me, I either
become stubborn, go away emotionally, or go along so as not to make waves.
I often blame others for things that are not right with my life.
Sometimes I long to be more independent and discover my own priorities, desires,
and aliveness.
I can stay with my own feelings best when I have an open expanse of time alone.
Social Nines: “Participation/Nonparticipation”
In adddition to wanting to further causes, I join groups in order to structure
my time, to soak up energy and become enlivened, to see how I can best fit in,
and to discover where to direct myself.
Though I gravitate toward groups, I sometimes
feel ambivalent about whether I really want to belong.
If someone becomes bossy
or unpleasant, I often can’t find the words to speak out, and I become stubborn
or withdrawn instead.
I often stay on the fringe. This keeps me from having to
commit myself fully and from having to participate in conflicts.
I bring my mediating
skills and my ability to build consensus to groups.
I often take the role of caretaker
due to my tendency to want to be all things to all people.
Since I automatically
become involved in whatever floats by, I pick up nuances from others; but I’m
slow to pick up and express what I myself feel.
Point Nine: The Program of Non-aggression
with Indolence and Indecision
Special Gift: Peaceful awareness
Self-Definition:
“I’m easy-going.”
Shadow Issue: Laziness
Rejected Element: Conflict
Addiction:
Indecision/Inaction
Strength Needed: Action (Love)
Defense Mechanism: Narcotization;
“shutting off the juice”
Psychological Disturbance: Obsessive/passive aggressive
personality
Talk Style: Epic stories (Also known as “No Shit, There I Was…”
Stories, of which I have dozens…)
Preoccupations Include: Dichotomy of belief/doubt.
Dichotomy of mystical/worldly concerns. Replacing essential needs with inessential
substitutes. Indecisiveness and difficulty saying “no”. Containment of physical
energy and anger. Control through stubbornness and passive aggression. Fluctuating
attitudes, oppositional behavior and emotions — either to adhere to the desires
of others as a means of gaining security, or to be defiantly resistant and independent.
Difficulty in maintaining a personal point of view, but ability to recognize and
support another’s position. Fight-phobic: avoiding conflict by not knowing the
anger wihtin.
Focus: Personal emphasis on appetite. Couple emphasis on union.
Community emphasis on participation.
Life Task: To experience love guided by the
strength of taking actions appropriate to any given situation, including conflict.
Deception: Indifference (Sloth)
Pseudo-deception: Distress
Antidote: Diligence
Pseudo-antidote: Resignation
Illusion of Reality: Peace at any price
Self-justification:
“I preserve my satisfaction.”
Time Orientation: Preserve the past (Uh, Renaissance
Recreation…Um..HELL-O, McFly!)
Approach to Problem Solving: Withdrawing: “I
am satisfied.”
Relationship to Life: Way of Mediation: “I negotiate with life.”
Wow…that’s like a Freakin’ USER MANUAL… Remember that discussion
about Emotional Bank Accounts and “What’s Your Currency?” Day-am… There it is…all
in one place… Wow.