Well Allow Me to Retort

http://i.imgur.com/eFgwkpi.png

1 We live where you vacation. Miami, Ft. Lauderdale, Orlando, Clearwater, West Palm Beach, Panama City, etc. Take your pick
YOU vacation where WE live. Denver, Aspen, Vail, Leadville, Durango, Take your pick.

2 Currently one of the very few states that still doesn’t have a state income tax. Florida also makes up for the lost revenue with a two tier Property Tax system that penalizes anyone who moves to Florida and wants to put down roots. New homeowners pay (DOUBLE) more property tax. That's a pretty big incentive to NOT live there.

3 The Florida Keys. Enough said.
Sorry, that's a reiteration of #1, but it's almost all sand, so I'll retort with more sand. http://www.nps.gov/grsa/index.htm

4 We have the most golf courses in the country (over 1,200)
http://youtu.be/AbSRCjG-VLk?t=2m33s

5 You’ll quickly become bilingual living here. Me gusta.
Also true for pretty much anywhere south of 40N Latitude and west of the Mississippi, and quite a few places east of the Mississippi, but not all.

6 You go to Disney for the parks; we go to Disney to drink around the world.
More than 85% of Floridians live more than an hour away from Epcot Center. That's a long-ass drive and a lot of money for some some expensive Hefeweizen and Sake. Don't mind the DUI.

7 The Noles, Gators, The U, Bulls and Knights: pick your allegiance.
What's this? Sports rivalries or something? That's unique to Florida? Really? CU or CSU? North Carolina or Duke? BYU or Utah? Lafayette or Lehigh? LOTS of intrastate rivalries and teams to choose from all over the country.

8 Our weather is the best in the country. The polar vortex hasn’t even come close to us.
Yes it has. 
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Pensacola_Bay_Bridge_Ice.jpg
http://i.imgur.com/rjl63l4.jpg
http://i.imgur.com/Zchhp0H.jpg
http://i.imgur.com/v6FAIek.jpg

9 We are the deciders in presidential elections.
No, you don't. Everyone does – but if you want to split hairs, California and New York do, by a 3:1 margin.
http://www.cnn.com/ELECTION/2012/ecalculator#?battleground

10 Every weekend you decide whether to go to the beach, lay by the pool or go on a boat.
People don't actually do this. At all. Ever. Either that, or Florida has 17.4 million people on hugely overcrowded beaches, pools, and lakes every weekend.

11 We’re home to Publix, the greatest grocery store in the US of A.
No it's not. It's #3.
http://www.deseretnews.com/top/557/50/Publix-The-52-best-and-worst-grocery-stores-in-the-country.html

12 Stone crab
What's a Stone Crab? I think you may have heard of Alaska King Crab and Washington's Dungeness Crab once or twice? I think they even fly it in for you. 

13 You can’t drive anywhere for an hour without running into a major international airport
Unless you live in #3.

14 Spring Break is not a week; it’s a month of college kids coming and going as they please.
So, barfy drunken fratBros for an entire month of the year? Pass.

15 It’s totally normal to see the multiple celebrities, musicians, sports players, and politicians that call Florida their second home on a daily basis.
Note: Second Home. Jimmy Buffet is, like, the only Celeb in the world that likes Florida enough to call it his FIRST and ONLY home.

16 You can have your snow days; we have hurricane parties
Unlike a bad hurricane, bad snow doesn't ever demolish your entire neighborhood, leaving you to pick up the pieces of what's left of your life…where it landed, a half mile away. Instead, you sit inside and sip hot cocoa.

17 Gambling isn’t just limited to casinos. Race tracks galore. Have you ever seen a Jai Alai match?
Three words. Statewide Gambling Addiction – http://www.gamblinghelp.org/
And, yes. The only thing I saw while I lived there that was duller was a Marlins game.

18 A weekend cruise is never out of the question. Not like in your car. I mean like getting on a Royal Caribbean ship and going to Bermuda.
This is a bald-faced lie. Two minutes on Google reveals that there is only one cruise line that goes to Bermuda from Florida, and it's a 10 day cruise. Also, good luck getting on a cruise ship for the weekend from Pensacola. I will grant that when I lived in Fort Lauderdale, two guys loaded up two jetskis with extra containers of gas, and rode to the BAHAMAS for the weekend. Not recommended. If you don't plan well and run out of gas, your next stop is Halifax, Nova Scotia. 

19 Can’t find a parking spot, no problem. We have valet everywhere. Life is just a bit more luxurious down here
Sure, if you want to pay $10-$20 every time you park. https://www.google.com/search?q=Florida+Average+valet+price

20 Freshly squeezed Florida Orange Juice. There is no substitute. Not from concentrate or GTFO.
Finally, ONE good reason. But seriously, Key Limes (and FRESH Key Lime Pie) didn't even make the list? Really?

21 Cafe con leche, croquetas, and empañadas
Also available p. much below 40* N Latitude.

22 We put Justin Bieber in jail. You’re welcome America.
You let a 19 year old rent…no, wait – that needs more emphasis. YOu let a 19 year old BOY RENT a Lamborghini, then get drunk and go racing.

Good Job, Florida – you've lived up to your (well deserved) reputation – again….

Also, Palmetto Bugs.

Reshared post from +Keely Brubaker

Re: anyone who has dissed my state ever. Suck it, haters. And you're welcome.